Sunshine in my life

It can get pretty gloomy and depressing in the winter - the dark cloudy skies, the cold weather, the staying indoors mostly because of the cold and of course the flu going around. I was feeling very low and isolated and therefore depressed. But this morning, I noticed the squirrel making off with a lot of fruit from our tree, so I and my 2 yr old daughter got dressed and rushed out into the backyard armed with a couple of plastic bags. No, not for the squirrel. Just to collect all the ripe fruit that I could reach from ground level.

Well, I spent a good 20 minutes out there, with my daughter getting all excited about this interesting turn of events, especially when her mummy went in and got a 2-step ladder and tried to get out the fruit at a higher level. Then we walked around. She rode her tricycle for a while too. Afterwards I read her an alphabet book, right there, sitting in the shade. It was well over an hour before we came back in, armed with 2 bulging bags of persimmons, and even a few beefsteak tomatoes and herbs from our tiny vegetable garden.

We felt great! I was absolutely brimming with energy. After spending 2 days indoors because of the cold winds (and my general inclination to just stay in), I was feeling wonderful! The sun and the fresh air really did a number on me - in a good way. I recommend getting a dose of sunshine everyday, for everyone of every age.

Go out, for just a couple of minutes, and feel the warmth and light of the sun. I know, people like my sis will say, "Now that's just common sense!" My sis loves the outdoors, and is always very energetic, and will definitely wonder if I am crazy to suggest something so basic. But I literally felt the depression floating away and being replaced with this calm, happy energy when I went outdoors. Even my headache that I had since last night had disappeared.

So fresh air and sunshine, people! Get lots of it, or even just 5 minutes of it! (Don't forget to wear sunscreen half an hour before going out, but even if you don't, a little sunshine is not going to harm you - I didn't put any sunscreen today, actually.)

Don't give up!

So you've tried for the umpteenth time to get that much closer to that goal you set for yourself sometime back, and now you have started to wonder. Is it really going to happen for you?

Then you self-analyze, concluding in self-criticism, and end up in a slump. To you I say, "Don't give up! Keep plugging away at it, and you'll get there!"

I too have a couple of goals - writing my first novel, finding a good job, completing my current in-house software project, having a clutter-free home, etc etc. I have given up on doing huge chunks of work in one go, which was at the cost of my sanity (and my family's). I tell you, it took having a two-year old toddler at home to get a whole new perspective on things. Now I'm finally seeing the light.

It's really very simple. Don't think about the result right then. Just stop. Only promise yourself you'll do just 5 mins worth of work towards that goal. If after that, you don't want to stop, keep going at 5 minute blocks, each time permitting yourself to stop after those 5 mins. Definitely stop after half an hour at the most, and step away. Usually by then you're out of that funky feeling, and are filled with hope. Force yourself to catch up with other chores, or even reward yourself with somehing. Do this even if you could not work for more than 5 minutes. At least you put in 5 minutes of work today, even if you did nothing else about it. You are 5 minutes ahead of yesterday's work! Congratulate yourself.

Now, if you're like me, you're automatically going to start thinking, "If only I'd done 5 mins everyday for the past one year, I could have accomplished so much! Why did I not blah-blah-blah...?" Stop yourself right there. Don't ever criticize yourself. Analyze in a kind manner, draw un-emotional conclusions, and decide on your next POA. Use the same language that you would use with your child when she makes a mistake. Be gentle.

When you separate yourself from all those negative emotions and look at your obstacles in an objective manner, you will most likely conclude one of the following:

• Your goal is no longer important to you. In that case, don't just give up. Sleep on it. Give it a week. During various times of the day imagine you hace achieved that goal. Do you feel all fired up with excitement? Sometimes, usually at night, I will get frustrated and will want to give up. But come morning when I am fresh and full, that goal will sound pretty exciting. Maybe after a week, if you still don't care for any of it, you can then safely throw it out the window. If you decide it's worth your sweat, you will be glad you worked those 5 minutes for the last one week, even when you didn't feel like it.
• Your goal is too lofty. What I mean by that is, you don't have actual in-between practical attainable mini-goals, that will finally lead to that final goal. If you have already done this, try breaking down your current mini-goal into even smaller chunks.
• Maybe your goal is impractical, or unhealthy, or goes against your values. If you want to become a teacher, gymnast, space scientist, rock star AND a supermodel, all in one year's time, that's a tad too impractical, eh? If you want to lose a lot of weight too soon, that would just be unhealthy. You want to climb the corporate ladder really fast, but you hate the thought of sucking up to that mean boss. With goals like these, you are going to lose. Unless you either re-think your goals, it ain't gonna happen. Because, in your heart of hearts, you know that you really don't like any of the roads that lead to your goal. Change, or at least tweak the goal.
• Life has handed you a completely new set of circumstances. You were going to land that acting gig in the next big movie, but you found out that you are pregnant. Life is never constant - things will keep happening. If the movie people don't want to adapt the script to your growing belly, you have to get honest with yourself and figure out your priorities. If you decide to skip the gig, it doesn't mean the goal is banished. It's just been delayed. Hang in there. Just make sure you regularly touch base with that goal - keep practising, or reading or whatever helps you feel connected to that dream.
• You don't have a plan. That's easy. Simply sit down and make a plan!

Believe in yourself. Imagine that you are already there. Let those wonderful feelings come to the surface. Do you feel like you're on top of the world? Good. So don't give up.

Who knows - someone might even be looking up to you as an example right now. Inspire away! :)

Do it now

I remember this jingle for an ad in India - "Don't just think about it, do it!". It's true, and we know it. It's common sense that instead of moping around and worrying while watching TV about the million things that we have to do, it's definitely advisable to just start doing one of those things right away. And yet, for some unfathomable reason, we don't. At least I don't.

However, everytime I randomly decide to follow that gem, I actually find that I feel good. It's the opposite of procrastination. Do it NOW.

There are tons of articles and books on the subject of procrastination. They explain why we do it, how we do it, and how to overcome it. All that advice boils down to this: break down the task into small doable chunks, even if u have only 5 minutes to do it, and then roll up your sleeves and do it!

Thanks for stopping by! What have you been putting off? Do a 5 min chore and write in to brag!

Always late!

How many times have you been late - to dinner parties, events, appointments etc?

I have been a chronic latecomer. I am always at least an hour late for any social occasion. I am only on time for appointments or classes. Even then, usually I am just in time. My sis and I got talking about this, and wondered what could be done.

She has been reading some book on procrastination, and suggested that I work backwards, from the target time (the time of the event), and then plan what things I need to get done by then, in order to get ready to reach the event on time. When I did this, I realized that I had to be really proactive and sacrifice certain time-draining lazy activities.

So that second episode of Fringe on Hulu has to be left un-viewed. Need to hoist butt from sofa and pack baby's snacks NOW. Need to plan outfits for baby and me. Need to get gifts/cards, AND make sure everything is in the car (I've forgotten stuff at home mid-way while driving, even after planning it all right). Not fun. But I think that little sacrifice makes up for the guilt the entire evening for keeping the host waiting for my family to turn up.

I'd love to hear any other tips my precious readers might have (unless you're running late...LOL). Thanks for stopping by!

Finding the right time to work

There isn't.

Even when I feel tired or lethargic, I have to snatch free minutes here and there to catch up with what I want to accomplish that day. As a stay-at-home mom to a toddler, it's hardly possible to have any long blocks of time to myself.

If I try to fold those laundry clothes when I feel like it, it's never going to happen. If I have 10 mins to spare, and say to myself, "I'll do it after sometime", guess what happens. My baby wants me to play with her, or wants a snack, or has pooped in her diaper, or it's time to start lunch, or someone drops in, or.... You can add an infinite number of possibilities here.

Nothing is as sure a thing as the present free 10 mins, or even 5 mins. This has been a big lesson for me. Of course, I still procrastinate. That laundry/dumping ground in the guest-bedroom is calling out to me!

I passively observed my classmates in college using this trick, and they were all very successful in the courses they took. They never waited for the right moment. I would never see them simply whiling away time. They would have scheduled downtime and would party like crazy when they did go out, but otherwise they were always busy doing something - homework, studying, practising diagrams, doodling formulae...

Sigh... that laundry is screaming it's head off for me! Okay, okay I'm coming!

I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Thanks for stopping by.

Hard work

For years now, I have been looking for that short-cut to finish everyday tasks so mundane, I'd rather just skip and feel sorry for myself. The tasks can range from housekeeping, to cooking, to exercise, a work-from-home project or just playing with or teaching my baby girl. Okay, some of these I skip more often than the others, but you get the point. Doing it all, day after day, is exhausting and brain-numbing to the extreme.

Then I have this constant nagging feeling that I am behind (so what do a few more backlogged tasks matter). And then I see this other class of moms - and some of them even go out to work - and they look so "put together". Their hair, face, clothes - everything is just right and perfectly groomed, their kids are probably putting sentences together while my sweetie-pie is still calling every TV actor "Papa". So I figured, they must be having some secret! How on earth do they do it?

After weeks and months of trying out new plans and what-not, I finally realized that it was actually a very simple concept - but I had been trying to work around it, and so really got nowhere. We simply have to ask ourselves what we can tolerate (read "do without") in our lives, and what we think is really worth adding to our lifestyle - and then WORK LIKE CRAZY to get there.

Even if it's a small thing, say "brush teeth every night", it seems easy for the first few nights, and then comes some new serial on TV, or we have a late night for whatever reason, and then that thought comes... wait for it... "I'm too tired/sleepy". So we give up, telling ourselves, it's just for one night. Then the next night rolls in, and we're not all that strong, because we already missed one night. If you're like me, you know how this is going to end - in cavities and stinky breath.

And yet, there are those who will floss and brush every single - and I mean e-v-e-r-y night.
Life is unpredictable. Temptations will come flying at you at the most unwanted times. Can you resist? Can you sacrifice that moment of joy for the sake of the other boring but necessary activity? And there in lies the answer. To choose to give up that immediate gratification and start plugging away at "the brain-dead task" - just making that choice - is hard. Then, working at it - doing the dishes, brushing, putting in those 30 minutes of writing for your novel - whatever the task may be - is again hard. Doing a decent job of the task - some more hard work. Doing it all as fast as you can - an added level of hard work. Making it all look simple, doable and delightful to your kids - add another notch of work. (Okay, I was tempted to put in "priceless").
Then do it all over again tomorrow, battling more temptations.... yep, you guessed it - that's pretty uphill. Ignoring any back-aches or bodily discomfort... don't even ask - yes, sweetie - hard work.

There is no shortcut. It is never going to be easy. And no one will pat you on the back and give you a "Bravo!" shout-out. If something is worth adding to your lifestyle, like a good figure, clean teeth, clean house, fulfilling job, teaching kids new skills, improving your relationship...

• Take a deep breath.
• Make a decision about your priorities. Definitely want manicured nails always, but frizzy hair on some days acceptable? So be it.
• Accept that you are in it for the long haul - maybe an entire lifetime.
• Accept that it won't be fun for long. It will probably suck the life out of you. And that's okay, because the result of your efforts will help you or or your family in some way (even if they are completely unaware of it). Even the passion of your life will have it's mundane facets - like dirty diapers for the enthusiastic mom, or bookkeeping for the excited entrepreneur.
• Sacrifice. Say "No" - to temptations, that is. Time is not unlimited. You have to make the time for the job. Cut out heartlessly all the distractions. When you look back, the lure of most temptations will fizzle to nothingness. If you want nice hair, you have to wake up half an hour earlier, shampoo, condition, blow-dry, slather on styling gel, curl or straighten, style, spray. Sorry, but that's way it is, if you want that chic look everytime you meet people. Yes, those elegant co-workers or passersby do put in that extra time.
  (Have the wisdom though, to give in to certain "important" distractions. You won't be condemned by the Gods for choosing to nurse your sick baby over dusting the china.)
• Roll up your sleeves (mentally will do)
• Sink your teeth into the task at hand. In short, do the work. The couple who seems to be so in-tune w/ each other have already had, in private, their own arguments-leading-to-talks a number of times, each time coming up with a new rule, boundary, or feelings that they learn to respect. (Doesn't sound so romantic, does it? "The talk" is always feared by many, and doing it right without hurting the other person is serious hard work). The well-behaved child is so, because of years of tireless efforts of parents to consistently discipline (even when they didn't feel like it, and the urge to give in was strong).

Working hard is, after all, hard work. But less known is the fact that working, by itself, is also hard work. Working consistently, aka discipline, is the mother of hard-work. The sooner we come face-to-face with this fact, the better it is for us. Stop looking for that happy side of the job. Stop waiting for the perfect moment. Stop trying to create the perfect environment for the job. Just work. Hard.

Thank you for visiting my blog. Do write in about your own observations, experiments, opinions or comments.

Negativity - good or bad?

Negativity has always had a bad rap, since too much of it can really drain the people around, emotionally. It can suck the life out of your friends, if you happen to be negative. Folks might even stop talking to you altogether, if you are a constant nay-sayer. Nothing can bring down and crush a person's hope and joy like a few caustic words from a confirmed cynic.

However, lately, I have started appreciating the value of having such people in my life. They are few, but very important to me. I am a born optimist. Although I do have more than my share of feeling low and depressed at times, I can pretty much bounce back very quickly to my happy state. The world can collapse around me, and I will probably be the only person around who will comment on how, at least the weather, has been cooperative, and hasn't been too hot/rainy/cold etc. I always like to focus on the positive, and ignore the negative. I think that's a good thing, too. But sometimes (after talking to the nay-folk) I realize that I had actually ignored a couple of warning signs about some stuff, and then it gets really bad, and I'm still in denial, looking for that silver lining.

I think I need to add a little negativity to my chirpy and buoyant self, for my own self-preservation. If once in a while I say to myself, "My life isn't going anywhere", I think I would be forced to evaluate my life choices and consider some long-due changes. If I say to myself, "I don't think such-and-such will work", I will try to do better on that task. I say this because I usually will settle for much less than par efforts from my side. I'll just say to myself, "What is the worst that can happen? Who really cares? It's more important that we are all healthy and well, and have each other. Just look at the big picture and be happy!!!" And then of course, I don't have to remedy the situation, because I am feeling all peaceful and content. So why not surf the net a little while longer? Why cook lunch just for myself when I can eat some junk food? Why monitor my weight - isn't what's inside that matters? I am a good person, after all, and I love myself. So I am one with the world, my soul is in utter bliss, blah-blah-blah.

Yes, I am on the other extreme - dangerously optimistic, until the s--t hits the fan. Then I start a 15-minute rant full of regrets, and then bounce back again to my nirvana-ic state. So, in my opinion, too much optimism is just as bad as too much pessimism - probably worse. At least a pessimist will try to be prepared for all the doom she forsees, whilst an optimist might be in denial about critically important issues.

This is what I intend to do from now on: I will still retain my chirpy nature - cannot see myself shaking my head at everything in life - but every once in a while, I will shake my finger at myself for my mistakes (which I make all the time :), wipe the smile off my mind, and make serious amends, so I (and my loved ones) don't have to face the same unfortunate incidents again (or at least less frequently). A little bit of negativity is actually healthy for me.

I would love to hear about what you think of this post. And, thank you for visiting my blog :)

Ten reasons to be happily single

Don't get me wrong; I am happily married now, and love every minute of it. But I was single before that, and loved that too! I think single-ness in women is underrated, and I want to remind them how good they've got it. All too aften, single women are trying to find that perfect mate to share their life with, and escape into the happily-ever-after mode. Stop trying so hard!

Here are the top 10 reasons you should be glad you're not yet hitched:

1. You only have to think about yourself. No worrying about others all the time! No responsibilities, no need to put others before your own needs!

2. On weekends, you can wake up pretty much whenever you want, sleep whenever you want, eat whatever, spend how much ever you want! You can mess up the whole house, or be a clean freak - whatever suits you. And when you do wake up, no need to worry about what filling food to make - you can cook whatever girly, low-fat, high-fat, bland, or extra spicy food that you want. If you don't want to cook, you can eat out (without hearing any grumbling).

3. No need to share the good stuff! The fridge is yours. All the money in your bank account is yours (so no need to "discuss the budget" with anyone except yourself). The TV remote is all yours.

4. You can stay out as late as you want! No need to check with anyone.

5. You can dress however you like. Frumpy, sexy, whacky, whatever.

6. You're the boss. Always. Complete freedom to do anything.

7. Things don't get dirty that often. Less laundry to do.

8. Your kitchen can be a mess, and no one will care. Judgements about a woman's housekeeping skills are reserved only for the married lot.

9. No in-laws! (unless you are really lucky like me, who hit the jackpot with a really cool MIL and SIL).

10. You can date!

Ironically, it's when you stop looking so desperately, you are in your true element, and that "not looking for anything serious, this is what I am, take it or leave it" attitude actually attracts Mr.Right to you. That is how I met the love of my life.

Dealing with Anger

Everybody gets angry once in a while. But what if your anger reaches such proportions that everytime you erupt you hurt the ones close to you?

I am not sure why we get angry, really. Is it because we cling to certain expectations? And can we get angry and not lash out at others? I think the latter is a very necessary skill, especially when you live with another person, be it family, a room-mate or even a pet.

Frequent outbursts of anger will continually erode relationships, and fear and resentment take the place of love. The house stops being a home. It goes back to being just that - a house. There is no more closeness. Your own family fears speaking out or reaching out to you, because they are afraid you will say something that will be hurtful. So, what can one do?

First off, if you use abusive words, or worse still, if you have inflicted physical harm on your near and dear ones, please get help. There is no shame in admitting you have a problem. It is a shame only if you choose to do nothing about it.

Here is my disclaimer again: I'm not a doctor. This article should not be used in place of professional advice. These are only my own observations, reflections and suggestions.

I'm sure most of us have been on both sides of the shouting match. But can we get by without all the swearing and yelling that comes with anger? This is what I think:

• Nobody "deserves" it. It doesn't matter if it was really Johnny's fault. There is always a peaceful way to communicate with people. Mistakes happen. That doesn't mean that they therefore, deserve to be hurt. Usually, the person at fault is already feeling miserable as it is, and is probably racked with guilt.
• Anger won't solve a thing. In fact, it may only make things worse, what with all the screaming and shouting and (ugh!) abusing. So ask yourself, if you are getting accomplished by getting all riled up.
• Walk away. Even though it could be construed as rude, it is still better than shouting out something that you cannot take back later when you are feeling better.
• Designate an anger-space. When you are furious and don't trust yourself to speak, go to the bathroom, bedroom, or backyard, or just go out for a walk. Someplace where no one you are familiar with is present. Then feel free to roll out all the expletives that you had in mind. Get it out of your system. Spend as much time as you want in there, till you feel you can be civil again.
• Don't bottle it up. When something or someone is bugging you so badly you want to scream, think about what you want to say, so that you censor all the harsh stuff. Then say it, to the offender in question. Don't keep it to yourself. It may feel awkward for a while, but you will be glad you were brave enough to confront the person who irritated you so!
• Get some fresh air. Sometimes a brisk walk outdoors will suddenly change your perspective. The offending problem may not seem so big, after all.
• Talk about it with someone you trust, like a close friend. Just talking about it to a neutral third-party can help you calm down. They can also offer possible explanations of why the irksome incident happened, and suggestions of how to deal with it.
• Maintain an anger journal. Designate a notebook or a diary to become your punch-bag. Write out all the horrible thoughts that come into your head. You can be as mean as you want to! After you calm down, look at it again. I guarantee you will want to tear out those pages and trash them. It will also reinforce your desire to never again hurt people through words.
• Get busy. Wash the dishes, vaccuum, read, do anything that is not related to the "hot" topic at hand. Initially you may be tempted to bang the plates, but slowly you will mellow down, and get distracted with the task.
• Imagine the consequences. Most unpleasant incidents do not have very bad consequences. It's just the temporary inconvenience that annoys us. Okay, so the vase is broken. Then what happens? Nothing! Once you clean up the mess, you're all fine and dandy again.
• Find the solution to the problem, and you may realize things aren't so bad, after all!
• Pin-point the trigger. Analyze your anger-history. Do you see a pattern? Do the same things annoy you everyday? Then remove the trigger, and you've added more peace to your life! For instance, maybe your cluttered desk is driving you crazy. You may not realize it, but working at that table everyday leaves you in a frustrated frenzy, and the moment something goes wrong, your reaction is off the charts. De-clutter it, and voila! - you're Buddha incarnate.
• Relax. Listen to calming music, meditate, do some yoga (or enroll in a class), breathe; do whatever you know takes you to that state of nirvana. (No, don't do drugs or alcohol).
• Accept that some things won't change. Your boss is your boss. Unless you change jobs or get a promotion, he will be your boss. Your partner will never talk like your favorite romance-novel hero. The weather will be unpleasant for a while. The stain on your dress will not go. Kiddo broke your favorite vase. Your weasely assistant manipulated his way to now become your boss. Deal with it. Take the time to really accept it, make peace with it, and move on.

All in all, I don't think that anger by itself is an unhealthy emotion. It shows us that we find certain things unpleasant. Which means we get to learn a little more about ourselves: what we take pride in, what our tolerance level is, what we like and love, what we hate... We can manipulate it to steer us in the right direction, to push us to achieve our goals and desires. Anger, like all other emotions, is good, as long as we don't lose ourselves in it.

Dealing with Depression

Depression can sneak up on you for any (or no) reason: from a simple bemoaning of a failed school test, reaction to adverse weather, peer pressure, weight gain, prolonged illness and so on, to the more complicated feelings of vulnerability after a failed relationship, constant self-recrimination and self-doubt, grief over the passing of a loved one, hormonal responses of the body after a major change such as surgery, post-partum depression (or the smaller version: baby-blues), or a sinking feeling of shouldering an overwhelming responsibility. These are just a few examples, but they can cause an otherwise completely sensible person to behave in a listless, indifferent, or careless manner. Sometimes the feeling of hopelessness is so severe that one might even consider giving up on life. The constant state of inaction caused by depression can also hurt dependent family members. So what is one to do?

I am not a doctor; This article must not be used in place of professional advice. What I am about to say is just my opinion and suggestions, based on my own experiences and observations.

I have Hashimoto's Hypothyroidism. I sometimes forget to get refills for my medication on time, and as a consequence miss taking it for a day or two. I am not completely sure if this is the reason, but on those days I feel really low and despondent. As soon as I resume my medication I start feeling fine again. And then, there were the baby-blues right after the birth of my first beautiful baby girl. I was most certainly not prepared for those roller-coaster emotions that would constantly hurl me down the depths of despair. I was constantly in tears. It only lasted for a few days, and was made bearable by my wonderfully supportive husband. And then, of course, there have been the usual ups-and-downs in my life, just like everyone else. I have now come up with these options to help myself during any "off" days that I might have:

• Take a deep breath, and become aware. It feels much better when you realize that your emotions are just those - emotions. It's okay to still keep crying. After all, emotions can't suddenly be turned off, just because you know why you are sad.
• Go out for a walk. It's amazing what a simple walk outdoors can do for you. The fresh air, the people and children, the animals, trees, all combine to rejuvenate you.
• Go window shopping. Leave your wallet at home (or just take some cash), so you don't beat yourself up the next day for overspending. This can be at the mall, or a huge department store like Kohl's, a specialty store, or even a grocery store. I find that just going to the store lifts my spirits. Again, it is the people, the sounds, smells, and of course all those interesting products that infuse a certain positive energy in me.
• Step out for coffee. Alone, or with a friend. Caffeine will give you a temporary high, and the outdoors, again, will feel good.
• Tea-time! Settle down on the sofa with a hot cup of black tea. The caffeine in tea is much milder than coffee, and you will still feel pretty good.
• Include something sweet in your breakfast, like frosted mini-wheats, or jam with your toast, or sugar in your coffee or tea. I know, I know, I'm listing artificial solutions here, that will add to your calories and go straight to your hips etc. But I have found that this works for me, and I simply forgo sweet stuff the rest of the day. It's just that initial sugar rush, combined with tea, in the morning, that gets me going for the rest of the day.
• Meet a friend. Or better yet, a family member. You need not even confide in anyone. Their mere presence will lift up your spirits. Sometimes your family/friend will show you a whole other perspective of seeing what you thought was a gloomy thing. Even if you get irritated, it will still distract you from your own depression. You might even get some energy when you get all up in someone's face.
• Do a long-pending chore in the house. If you don't feel like it, go through the steps in your mind mentally, and you will find that the chore is not all that insurmountable. Even a simple thing like doing the laundry will egg you on to do more things, and will give a much-needed boost to your self-esteem.
• Cook. Make something you love eating. If you are alone at that time, make something that you have not made for a very long time just because the others in your family don't like that dish. Maybe you like extra spicy food (like me!) or you have a sweet tooth, or you adore extra garlic... you get the drift. Or just prepare dinner. Anything, really. The aroma of food on the stove or crockpot will get you back to your happy and humming-a-tune self.
• Volunteer to help someone, or take care of someone. Helping others does a lot of good for the soul. In addition, you will feel appreciated and respected.
• Play with your children. Indoors or in the park. Forget all the pending chores and worries that are gnawing at you. Slip on your jacket and just go. (Yes, it takes time to get them all dressed and out the door. It is still worth it.) You are making memories with your children, which is just as important.
• Do something new. Really, anything. Cook a new dish. Go ice-skating. Sign up to learn a new language or skill. Start a blog! How does bungee-jumping sound?
• Take a nice hot shower (or a cool one in summer). If you have a clingy toddler, plonk her in her crib (after checking if she is otherwise okay) and escape to the bathroom. A shower will make you feel like a new person.
• Put on make-up. (Men, wear a snazzy shirt, or something equivalent).
• Do your hair. Looking good makes you feel good inside too.
• Wear your favorite perfume.
• Read your favorite book/magazine/website.
• Get on the internet and find a feel-good website (like this one!). Even if you don't follow the suggestions listed here or anywhere else, you will still feel more relaxed, as you find your feelings validated.
• Find a passion. Immerse yourself completely in a project that you love doing all the time. For example, start blogging about your favorite topic, write a book, anything. It has to be something that gets you really excited, so that you can't stop thinking about it from the time you wake up, till the time you fall asleep. When your negative thoughts are replaced by an exciting new project, you won't even realize how time flies.
• Create something. If you are an artist, draw or paint. Writers, write! Create a new dish and give it your name.
• Start a small do-able project not related to housework. Like printing a photo and putting it into a frame. Or make a silly toy for your kids. Write a small software program to help with some task that you do on your PC. Start your own website. I'm sure you can think of something fun.
• Join a gym. Exercise is a definite stress-buster, depression-killer, endorphin-pumping magical cure.
• Put on some fast-paced music. Note: No sad songs, please. Only happy, exciting, makes-you-jump-up-and-dance-to-its-fast-beats music. Always works for me.
• Try to make your house a haven. Your own personal domain. Your own cozy den. Your nirvana. Or whatever you want to make it, in order to thrive. If it sounds like too much, then just create a sanctuary for yourself within a small space in your home. Toss all the junk into some storage space in the garage or the "don't-open-that closet-when-entertaining" closet.
• Learn yoga.
• Meditate.
• Eat a healthy diet. Include salads, fruit, protein and healthy carbs in your meals. And don't forget your vitamins!
• Join a course that teaches spirituality. You can bounce off your ideas, fears, thoughts and doubts with others in your class, and get some guidance from the teacher.
• Go to the spa. Or at least, get a manicure. Or give yourself a manicure. Ask your partner for a massage. Sometimes a little pampering goes a long way.
• Leave the kids with your partner for a few hours, and go to your favorite haunt - the library, park, swimming pool, coffee-place. Wherever you want.
• Change jobs. Maybe it's your job that's sucking the life out of you? Maybe you need to consider even a whole career change. Ask yourself if what you are doing is truly making you happy.
• Introspect. Do you have habits that are self-defeating? Talk to yourself in a gentle manner, as you would with a close friend. Replace the ugly habit with a new good one, and see if it makes a difference.

If your depression is too debilitating, then please get help.

• Talk to your partner, or anyone else you feel will understand.
• Talk to your doctor.
• Seek counselling.

We all have certain set expectations of life; when they are not met, we feel cheated, deprived, or undeserving. To an extent, I feel a lot of our negativity comes from taking ourselves too seriously. Things really don't have to go by a certain plan. Enjoy the surprises, accept your weaknesses, make peace with your past, and forgive yourself.

Embrace all the good things you do have going for you. Feel lucky for having them. Embrace your life. Now.